Tag Archives: sofa

Corporate Buttocks

How do you decide?  It’s tough.  Even with a warehouse/showroom facility as vast as ours, you can never stock everything.  We size up tons of furniture.  Most of it doesn’t make the cut.  In choosing what to order, we have one secret weapon: Outdoor Living Direct’s corporate buttocks.  They travel the world, separating victors from vanquished.  They are the strongest armament in our war against unsatisfying homewares.  They play the key role in our most important business decisions.  They are the most important line of defence between you and bad furniture.

Outdoor Living Direct’s dedication to comfort starts at the very top of the business.  More specifically, it starts at the very bottom of the very top of our business.  Several times a year, managing director John Strahan visits international trade shows and factories to see what’s new and exciting in outdoor furniture.  Hopeful suppliers are interrogated on materials, workmanship, and durability in tough Australian weather.  Then comes the ultimate test.

“Whenever I see a nice looking piece of furniture we might stock, one question is always right at the front of my mind:

‘What’s it like to sit on?’

And there’s only one way to find that out”

Before we order anything, the boss sits on it.  He sits on it a lot.  Through years and years of visiting trade shows and factories, John has sat in judgement of outdoor furniture of all types and materials, from wicker to timber, benches to balcony settings, and more. “I wasn’t born with a discerning posterior,” John explains, “it’s something I’ve honed through countless hours of practice.”

“I sit on dreadful sofas so that you don’t have to”, says John, “The worst – and I mean the worst – outdoor sofa chair I ever sat in was at a trade fair in 2010. The manufacturers had designed this chair with an aluminium crossbar directly under the centre of the seat to support the chair. I’m sure it would have looked great on the design table – but when you sat in it the crossbar pressed directly up your bum, with the sides of the metal tubes pushing into your butt cheeks. It was less comfortable than sitting on an upended steel drum. If you want to recreate the effect – go into the backyard, and get two sticks, each about 20mm in diameter. Lay one stick across the other, so that it forms a perfect cross. Then sit in the middle.”

Is this really how you want you or your friends and family to “relax”?  Don’t laugh, it could happen to you.  The world is full of furniture that’s easy on the eye but punishing to the backside.  It’s an especially important concern when shopping online.  You can look at outdoor furniture on a website, but you won’t sit on it until you’ve spent the money and it’s delivered to your door.  This is why you need the corporate buttocks on your side.  They are essential to our commitment to only stock items we’d have ourselves.  They ensure furniture that not only looks great but is a delight to use.  Don’t spend good money on trash that makes your life worse.  We take your comfort very seriously.